Scream;Talk

Monday, 26 March 2012

  • That feeling, that bonded both of us together; it got blown away.

    "Did you have fun?"
    "I wasn't sure."

    BOTTLED.
    I've not been in my best condition for awhile now.
    Things going wrong, feelings going wrong as well.
    I guess I'm happy when you're happy.
    Letting go.
    I need to start doing that.

    WEEKEND.
    Things have been pretty monotonous lately.
    Classes, tests, assignments, projects.
    over and over again.
    & then I finally let loose because I was so stressed up for a period.
    But somehow I guess it was a mistake.
    I went a lil too far.
    Did things a lil too deep.
    I should have known better.

    JUDGY.
    Do not like the way people are talking about me,
    the way they're looking at me.
    If only I could scream at them.

     

    ♥ JiaYun.
    mygod. 

     

Monday, 06 February 2012

  • So afraid to want more, to need more; because what we have now is near perfection.

    "You'll miss me?"
    "You have no idea."

    SLIPPED.
    Sem break was good to me.
    I did what I wanted to do, or more.
    But I should have met up with more people though.

    HAPPY CHINESE.
    Chinese New Year was a blast!
    Enjoyed myself to the fullest because
    this might have been some of the very last ones
    that I could still celebrate back home with
    the people who matter the most.
    Coincidently, today is the last day of this festival.
    If only I am there, and not here.

    Without forgetting,
    I turned 19 almost a month ago.
    I still feel the same, I still am the same.
    but I think I am older, but not wiser.
    For the rest of this year,
    I need to put my game face on,
    work that much harder
    & appreciate much more.
    Hopefully, I'll get luckier this year. 

    THE LINK.
    I realized that all of us,
    the childhood friends,
    are bonded for life.
    No matter where we are, who we are and what we are,
    we will somehow come back together into a circle like before.
    Sure, we might have changed along the way,
    and drifted apart to our other circles,
    but in the end, we could find our way back.
    We forget that we don't belong together in real,
    and somehow fit back as one again.
    I know this, and by the look in their eyes,
    I'm sure they know this as well.

    This makes me want to cry.

     

    ♥ JiaYun.
    We could. 

     

Saturday, 24 December 2011

Tuesday, 06 December 2011

  • Maybe if I run away far enough from you, you will stop calling out for me.

    "You look sick."
    "I feel sick.

    COLD.
    Sitting alone at a cafe,
    Streaming Gossip Girl,
    Doing assignment,
    Revising for finals,
    people-watching.
    I've not felt this calm for a short while now.
    It's always been good for me to just lay back,
    catch a breather & do some useless things,
    before I go hardcore on myself.
    I miss this solitariness.

     IT FLIES.
    A week more to finals.
    What am I still doing here?
    Contradictory.

     PICK.
    If you could go anywhere in the world, 
    where would you choose? 
    So many choices.

    Christmas is approaching,
    the year is coming to an end. 
    This only calls for a detailed wishlist.
    Taking some time everyday to create one.
    It will be super long, I can assure you that.

    ♥ JiaYun. 
    one more time. 

Monday, 14 November 2011

  • Is this faith we're looking at, or is it something more atrocious?

    "I'm only doing this for you guys."
    "I know."

    OUT OF MIND.
    For a month and a half, I forgot about the existence of this.
    It never occurred to me that I have been missing this part
    of my daily (somewhat) of my life.
    A summary is ahead.

    2 SEMESTERS.
    Well, I'm super busy now with all my assignments and work.
    All of them are piling up on my table, literally.
    I don't have space to even put my bottle anymore.
    Can't blame the fact that I do have a pretty small table though.
    & my theater final performance is coming up soon in 2 weeks.
    I don't know how I'm going to fit in all the rehearsals and practices
    in between my schedule of work.
    Without forgetting, I still need to study for my finals.
    I can't afford to fail anything.
    Hell, I can't even get anything below 80 marks.
    Or I will have so much to pay for.

    However, in the midst of all this chaos,
    I'm going off this weekend for a long awaited trip to Singapore.
    I will be attending my cousin sister's wedding
    & of course will be shopping!
    Taking this time to clear my head too.
    I starting to forget how to feel.
    Might not be a bad thing though.

    GENTLE HEART.
    Honestly, am I being nice or just being naive?
    I can't stop helping.
    Because I know how it feels like being helpless.
    & I don't want anyone feeling that way.
    I'm not smart though.
    So stop calling me that.
    I just know what I'm doing.

    I'm turning 19 in less than 2 months.
    I'm scared.
    I want to stay 18 forever.
    Can I?
    I don't know how to move on from here. 

    ♥ JiaYun.
    Kids. 

     

Tuesday, 04 October 2011

  • Fiction; such a magical thing that keeps us side by side but never together.

    "Are you even a girl?"
    "Yes, I'm just not a girly girl."

    SQUARE.
    It's simple, really.
    Especially when you take yourself out of the equation,
    & look at it at another angle of the box.
    We try so hard to fit into the mould,
    we forget we have needs too.
    The harder you want me to try,
    the harder I fall.
    Everyone is trying to decode it,
    but that just makes me pushing it away more.
    I'm old enough to know it won't work.
    So just stop trying.

    INFINITE.
    Staying around, moving away.
    Running from here to there.
    Wasting precious time to catch something else.
    Trying to make memories in a hurry.
    Taking mental photos of unnecessary moments.
    Afraid to slow down, afraid to think.
    Need to keep being on the go.

    ♥ JiaYun. 
    afraid. 

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Saturday, 24 September 2011

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

  • When you remembered the last time you cried, think of me; Thank you for the thought.

    "Are you still the person I knew?"
    "You could still find me in me."

    GET TOGETHER.
    We met up over the one public holiday. 
    It felt good to see a real familiar face,
    someone who I really grew up with
    & could still tolerate with me.
    But could you see the pain in my eyes?
    I'm not gonna lie that I'm not having fun away.
    (There are only 2 places I'll be at: home or away)
    All these new people I know and get along with,
    they probably could understand better
    the kind and amount of pressure I'm going through.
    & they probably know 'me' better.
    But they could never know the real person I am.
    I don't even know myself that well.
    He got so shocked to know that deep down,
    I'm violent.
    & I'm completely sadistic.
    I don't like hurting people, but I so often picturing the perfect murder.
    I love animals, but I find satisfaction killing chicks in video games.
    & I love books and movies with bitter ending.
    I don't need the lead character to die.
    I just want one of the supporting role to die.
    Like how I think it would be perfect for Ron to die.

    FRAGMENTS OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.
    I don't want to be spending my life explaining my thoughts, my feelings to anyone.
    Have a day off with me and we'll make progress.
    At least lunch will do.
    I'm not as complex as I sound.

    I need a proper rest as well.
    Falling asleep way after midnight and waking up by 5.
    How long more can I go on like this?

    If you look carefully at me, you see cracks.
    They show how I broke.
    & how unfixable I am.

    Moving around in the crowd.
    While I'm too worried about any form of relationships happening,
    I'm missing all the inside jokes.
    When will I ever be the one inside,
    & not the one looking in? 

    We don't know each other.
    & we pretend not knowing each other's name.
    Not acknowledging the tension is just a facade.
    I hope it's not only me.

    To be honest,
    I'm always thinking of you.
    The thought of you lingers on.

    Maybe I'm just another face in the crowd to you.

    ♥ JiaYun.
    tears.
     

Thursday, 08 September 2011

  • We're beautiful for the wrong reasons; We can't want what we can't have.

    "Are you guys, together?"
    "Us, no."
     

    DEPLETION.
    My conscience wants this to end.
    He should not keep stealing glances at me.
    I know he does, cause I can't stop myself from looking at him.
    I do not like the way he just looks straight at me,
    like he's trying to be casual about it by being completely obvious.
    & I just can't look away.
    There's nothing special about him, really.
    If I have a list of an ideal guy,
    He could only fulfill not more than half.
    It is easy to know, I'm not right for him.
    He wants someone who could match up with him.
    I can only be following behind.
    He wants someone who he can rely on.
    I need someone to rely on.
    I don't know you, truly.
    But I feel like I know who you are not trying to show.
    This whole thing, if this is even a thing,
    Will it stop?
    Do I want it to stop?
    Do we want it to stop?
    I guess we're both sadist.

    ♥ JiaYun.
    This is not right.