"Are you still the person I knew?"
"You could still find me in me."
GET TOGETHER.
We met up over the one public holiday.
It felt good to see a real familiar face,
someone who I really grew up with
& could still tolerate with me.
But could you see the pain in my eyes?
I'm not gonna lie that I'm not having fun away.
(There are only 2 places I'll be at: home or away)
All these new people I know and get along with,
they probably could understand better
the kind and amount of pressure I'm going through.
& they probably know 'me' better.
But they could never know the real person I am.
I don't even know myself that well.
He got so shocked to know that deep down,
I'm violent.
& I'm completely sadistic.
I don't like hurting people, but I so often picturing the perfect murder.
I love animals, but I find satisfaction killing chicks in video games.
& I love books and movies with bitter ending.
I don't need the lead character to die.
I just want one of the supporting role to die.
Like how I think it would be perfect for Ron to die.
FRAGMENTS OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.
I don't want to be spending my life explaining my thoughts, my feelings to anyone.
Have a day off with me and we'll make progress.
At least lunch will do.
I'm not as complex as I sound.
I need a proper rest as well.
Falling asleep way after midnight and waking up by 5.
How long more can I go on like this?
If you look carefully at me, you see cracks.
They show how I broke.
& how unfixable I am.
Moving around in the crowd.
While I'm too worried about any form of relationships happening,
I'm missing all the inside jokes.
When will I ever be the one inside,
& not the one looking in?
We don't know each other.
& we pretend not knowing each other's name.
Not acknowledging the tension is just a facade.
I hope it's not only me.
To be honest,
I'm always thinking of you.
The thought of you lingers on.
Maybe I'm just another face in the crowd to you.
♥ JiaYun.
tears.